Convincing yourself

Hey,
I ran 5 km today in 31 minutes. not that brilliant, but that's a start.

hard decision : to run or not to run?

The easy thing is to enjoy after you run, but it's getting harder and harder to manipulate yourself to go running.

Even though I only started writing here, I feel like it helps in kind of way. I feel like I'm fighting with the bummer and becoming more of the bummer.

What do you do when you don't feel like running, how do you manage to convince yourself - when yourself doesn't want? 

Who's the runner and what's the bummer

"There's a difference between knowing the path - and walking the path"

It's not the common runner's blog. I'm not a common runner. 

I don't have a super-slim-non-fat-body. I don't run a kilometer in less than 4 minutes. I don’t have long, runner's legs. Every time I go out for a run I have to convince myself - before, and mainly within the run - that I'm going to do it. 99 % of the time I don't feel any kind of fun during the run - only when I finish it.

 I actually love everything which is evolved - somehow - to the opposite of running : eating. sleeping. reading. watching tv. watching youtube. watching someone else does something while i do nothing. running  was never on that list.

Even Though, I've decided to run the half marathon.

I didn't like running when I was younger, But I had to run. When I served the army, I had no choice but to run. everyday. We'd wake up before the sunrise, and run about 3-5-10 km, uphill, carrying something - which was always unnecessary as uncomfortable - on our backs, and I remember the feeling of not being able to breath - like somehow your lungs shrunk, and there's not enough air you can consume. It was always hard, and the only fun moment I felt was when we came back . I've never imagined that I'd go and run out of my own free will. I've never believed that running can be something that fun. Maybe the reason that  I didn't like running in the army was because it didn't come from my own will, and maybe because it was almost too hard - like everything in the army - but it gave me something I wouldn't get nowhere else : fighting spirit. It made me a warrior - so I wouldn't stop running even if my legs would break and my shoes would set on fire. And now, when I go out and start running - it's still not as natural as it is to most runners - but I feel like I actually breath. 

So, that's the bummer - whatever I felt until now about running. 

So what made me wake up one day and convince myself that I'm going to participate the half-marathon - 21 km of running? 

I guess that I  have some answers - which I'll write about in the next post - but I still feel like I'm finding this one out. 

I'd keep posting about my biggest war - with myself - about quitting everything tomorrow and going back to be the bummer. 

It's the hardest commitment I've ever took on my self - for myself - and it'd be a war, with many big and small battles inside it - that I'd have to fight with myself.

Thank you for reading,

Gon

P.S, if your'e around - Hertzilya , Israel - you can stop by and come with me for a run.